Marianne (a_lost_marianne) wrote,

Oh God I am so tired of having a stomach illness, paired with having bipolar illness....

I have lots of hallucinations and I have such an easy time getting stuck in a thought, and often they are such bad bad thoughts.

I want to be normal and happy.

I have finally, after years of worrying about it, gotten the sack. I can't be ill from work anymore, if I am ill for more than two weeks I don't get any pay at all, my insurance ran out. It's our lovely BLUE government, they don't like people who are ill or unfortunate in life. They want us to die or move to some other planet or something.

Life is really really hard. I do take meds that are supposed to take the worst hallucinations away and which are supposed to balance my moods out, I also take calming meds which calms me enough to go to certain things like Liams graduation. Yes Liam graduated yesterday and it's the biggest thing in a young persons life, so he was well chuffed and me and Liams dad was SO proud. SO proud.

Tomorrow we're going to a restaurant that Liam has chosen to celebrate, he has already had two parties, one at his dads and one at his gf's so now it's my turn to do something and as I am in no shape or form or economical way, I can't have people over, so now all have to pay for themselves instead.

I am so poor, I don't know anyone who is as poor as I am. I mean, yes, people in the world are poorer than I am, but here in sweden, I don't know anyone. I have zero money in the bank, I live day by day and it is very stresful.

oh well, fuck it. I am not sure it's any point in writing it down either, but I do that when things are bad because I have no one that I can tell it to.
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