Marianne (a_lost_marianne) wrote,

Today, the morning after the night before

Last night, I was sat here, writing down how good I feel finally.

But that was before tonight, a night full of anxiety of the old times, the same levels, and the sadness and nervousness I feel now is just yuck. Every dream that popped up was good in the beginning and then turned rotten. Everyone turning against me, hating, just how my life has been so very often, being bullied all my childhood and youth, and eventually learning not to even notice, and then always those do-gooders that calls themselves "friends" but who just want to point out how much they've "deffended" me from all the others who hate me. It's a weird thing, friendship, and i am so very bad at the whole thing.

I might sound good at it, but I am not. I am always aware of my flaws, my faults...I am always aware that there is a big possibility that I will soon be losing everyone that I've dared to care about. Thats my life.

Always friends with those who are loved by all and who keep being loved by all whereas I start out good but always end up bad.

I am so over it, and bored of it.

And fuck that anxiety. Thats what pills are for. Okay.
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